things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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