I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
