There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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