He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
