I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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