I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
