when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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