I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
