Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
