Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
