Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dear god my vagina.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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