she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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