What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
