Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
