drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
