Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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