I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
