I must be too annoying 4 u.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
