we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize
