I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
