farters have to be the big spoon...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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