Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
