Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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