where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
