ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
