I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
