I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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