oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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