I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
