we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
