I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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