Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
