wrigley field is MILF paradise
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
