Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
