There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
