Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Houston, we have a blender
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
