last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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