I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
