I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
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