you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
