Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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