brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
