He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
