i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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