I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
