I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
