All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
