now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
