Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
my poor anus
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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