Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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