but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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