I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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