does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
